It
has been a very rough year marked by one harsh blow after another for my family
& I. Barely a chance to breathe
before the next trial came upon us. I
admit, I let the devil into my life, giving him more than a foothold and
allowing him to devour all that had been good in me.
Negative
emotions soon became all there was. They
surrounded me, enveloped me, and drowned me into depths of darkness which had
once been filled with so much positive light. The more I focused on my
circumstances and those negative feelings, the worse those circumstances got
and the worse I would feel. It was a vicious circle, that kept going on and on
with no way out. I was out of control and everything about me showed it - my
demeanor, my attitude, my speech and my actions.
Even
though I knew God promised to never leave me, I felt alone. Even with people
near me, I felt alone. I learned this
"stinkin thinkin" was very destructive & hard to get rid of. I knew only God
could shed light into that darkness as He often did. And, then something else
would happen. Those negative emotions would take over again, and it would be
gone. I didn't realize there was an invisible battle going on. I just thought it was a season of life I must
endure.
Thankfully,
out of instinct, I began reading scripture and praying, realizing that I
desperately needed Jesus and His peace.
“Submit
yourselves, then, to God. Resist the
devil, and He will flee from you” James 4:7 (NIV)
In
that 4 a.m. darkness, all alone and scared to death, I left my ego, self pity,
and negativity alone and allowed God to deal with me, to speak to me, to SHINE
into my life. I started focusing on
things worthy of my focus, things that are good for my spirit and things that
are for His edification. Very slowly, but just as steady, I watched HIS light
grow stronger and brighter.
The things of this
past year that devastated me slowly became stepping stones in my rear view
mirror instead of huge mountainous obstacles in my windshield.
I
started to let go of my negative thoughts and emotions and began trusting God
and His sovereignty. No need to stress
or be upset or angry because He is in
control of everything. Remembering that promise helps tremendously, though
I still fall short... I am going to always be a work in progress... I don't
claim perfection nor think I will ever reach it... I don't claim to have
reached a point of being done learning, growing, changing or healing....
I
can say …thanks to a shift in perspective of allowing my heart to open up & let God in, His light is shining and
starting to reflect through me once again.
Thank
you Jesus,
Jeannette
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may
have peace.
In this world, you will have
trouble. But, take heart!
I have overcome the world”
John 16:33 (NIV)
