Yesterday was one of those days that I could not have felt any further from closeness with God. I desperately wanted to be connected with Him because that night was our Recovery group meeting, which I lead. I needed to be spiritually “on my game”. I tried all of the regular things: early morning coffee out back with my Bible, Rick Warren’s daily devotional email… It wasn’t happening. I was too distracted by all of my “stuff”. How dare I stand in front of broken men and women and teach that the road to recovery is one of daily walking side by side with Jesus? I couldn’t even open my Bible. I just felt numb and distant; completely inadequate.
That night I showed up at our meeting, turned on my autopilot and opened with a ceremonious prayer. I made a couple of announcements, and then, eager to sit back down, I introduced our guest worship leader, David Alandete. My plan was to daydream for the next 20 or so minutes until it was time for me to teach. I would present the material, make a few jokes, say some “churchy” phrases, and dismiss to small group time. Awful right? I’m telling you, my heart wasn’t in it. I was frustrated. I felt like I gave effort all day to draw close to God. Had He been side stepping each of my advances? Did He finally figure out the depths of my sinful nature, and decide it best that we part ways? I sunk into my chair, defeated and ashamed, as David picked up his guitar and began his slot on my program list.
Have you ever been in a dark room and someone shined a flashlight directly in your eyes? It was really annoying right? You didn’t need that. But imagine being completely lost deep in the woods at night, cloaked in darkness with no idea how to get out. A sudden burst of light from a flashlight would bring immense joy. You have been rescued from your dark place. Someone has come with a light to help lead you back onto the path.
As David began singing, something began to stir in me. He sang, “How great is our God. Sing with me… How great is our God.” I began to perceive these broken people all around me singing their hearts out. My heart couldn’t resist the beckoning. “How great is our God.” My weight began to ease as I joined in. “The splendor of the King, clothed in majesty. Let all the earth rejoice. All the earth rejoice.” My heart, cold all day, was melting. What was happening? David sang, “He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide, and trembles at His voice. Trembles at His voice…” The cold dark places of my heart could no longer hide in the midst of our worship. The oppressive grip on me was loosened and I found myself welcomed into the very presence of God. Tears flowed as my daily preoccupation with myself and my needs were pummeled by worship.
In that moment it happened. I finally connected with God. How? What was different? All my other efforts had failed – one thing succeeded: worship. When you can’t find your way back to God, start with the very thing you were created for: worship. When you don’t have the words and your prayers feel empty: worship. When you feel numb and your heart won’t obey you: worship. Worship became that flashlight in the lonely woods leading me out of my dark place. Sometimes all of the best books, podcasts, Christian T-shirt slogans, and early morning cups of coffee out back can’t capture your heart’s affections. When that happens, ask yourself, “How great IS our God?” Try to answer that question, return to your purpose, and worship.
