“Any existence deprived of freedom is a kind of death.” Memorializing our nation’s freedom is something truly worth celebrating. When you really think about what it means to be an American you’ll recognize we have FREEDOM of speech, FREEDOM for Democracy, FREEDOM of Religion, etc.
Freedom of Religion has allowed me the safety to worship my Lord on a daily basis. To worship Him in private and in public. To dialogue with Him wherever I am. To be led and to lead others according to the Bible. Freedom of Religion has allowed me to easily have a relationship with Jesus Christ--a relationship that has in turn given me many freedoms in my own life.
One of these freedoms has come in the last year. I struggled for about six years with my “role.” I’m a pastor’s wife, so what does that mean? I’m a mom so surely I should be doing “this” and “that.” I was an employee, but just part-time, so how could I really be excellent?
I constantly felt as though I should be doing more with every hat I wore. What I did in each of these situations was never enough. Taking care of the domestic responsibilities that allowed my husband the ability to go and perform his ministries didn’t really seem that abundant. And the day in/day out of caring for my kids was perpetually undercutting my idea of super-mom.
This battle of finding my “role” was one that I shed many tears over and one that kept total peace from filling my spirit. I cried out to God (for years) and asked for things to be made “right.” I felt, at times, stuck, like I was suffocating, and often times, I felt isolated. I wanted so badly to find my groove. I knew He wanted me to surrender, but I felt I had. I was doing everything I could to juggle it all.
It had come to a breaking point. One that required tough decisions. Complete surrender. I would give up my juggling act and let God show me how it should be done. And in this, I received complete peace. I now feel settled because my purpose is real. It fuels the beat of my heart.
God has defined my “role” like never before. When I stopped trying to find it, there it was. My mission is so vast. The greatest responsibility I have in discipleship is with the three little souls that I gave life to. The largest role I can play in ministry with my husband is being available and supportive - in whatever comes along. It doesn’t have to have a “title.” My outside job was left behind and new passions have been flourishing.
When it seems I have less control than ever, I feel my life has an extravagant direction. Since surrendering the hunt for a title, I have FREEDOM that defines me.
Mark 14:36 “Abba, Father,”he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”
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