Last Sunday, I shared my story of healing from abuse. If you missed it, you can watch it here.
The biggest obstacle to my healing was actually getting started. Healing is hard work. It's disruptive to the normal routines of life and it usually means suspending your normal-happy-and-coping-self for a period to really examine what's going on in your soul. Embarking on a healing journey probably means sharing some of it with your spouse, if you're married, and asking him to extend some extra grace as you deal with what comes up. It probably means professional counseling at some point, it definitely means more reflection and quiet time with God, and it most likely means investing time and money in resources.
Healing is hard work.
So, why even go there?
Most of us would claim to have good lives, great families and friends, and many more blessings than millions of hurting women "out there." Shouldn't we just be grateful for what we have, for where we are in life, and move on with it?
Here's my challenge: We cannot live the life God designed for us without healing-- from what others have done to us, and from what we've done to others and to God.
When abuse (sexual, physical, verbal or visual--don't be quick to dismiss your story as "not counting") or tragedy occurs, our souls are damaged. Our natural, in the flesh, response is to harden our hearts and to rely on self-protection. The problem with a hardened heart is that it cannot give love and receive love the way God intended. In fact, those with backgrounds of abuse cannot fully obey God until we bring our brokenness directly to Him.
"Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" Matthew 22:37-39 (emphasis mine)
Until we accept Jesus' invitation to heal, we will not be able to love with all of our ourselves, which is the "first and greatest commandment." We definitely won't be able to fulfill the second, equally important, commandment of loving our neighbors if we choose to remain in our state of contented brokenness. While this talk of commandments may sound so very religious, the point is that God wants our entire beings--to be known by Him in intimate relationship and to be offered to others by Him in sacrificial Jesus-type love.
In The Wounded Heart, Dan Allender shares a story about his friend (we'll call him "Tom" to avoid confusion) whose wrist broke as a child. Due to the neglect of his parents, Tom's bones were never set correctly and never healed properly. As an adult, Tom's wrist no longer hurts and he can use it to some degree but he will never be able to play racquetball, tennis or other sports. For Tom's wrist to be completely healed, a doctor would have to re-break the wrist, set it properly and Tom would have to endure physical therapy (expensive and time-consuming!) for a while before resuming its use.
And so it is with us.
For us to heal completely from abuse, we have to allow the Great Physician to examine our wounds, even if it results in more intense pain for a period. This takes a lot of courage, I know. But this Physician we're talking about is like no person we've ever known. He is humble and kind, gentle and worthy of our trust. A friend and I commented this week that he is a gentleman, the very finest.
If you felt a tugging this week, if emotions and memories were stirred, I plead with you to follow Jesus down this road. It may look shadowy and dark and you may be filled with dread and feel the rising tide of shame, but it's here, in these dark places, that he makes himself known, that he displays his redemptive power.
I'm praying for you, sister.
Feel free to email me at amccullohs [at] gmail [dot] com
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