All of us are sinners. “No Perfect People Allowed” as our CATB motto goes. We all have things in our past that we want to forget but they seem to reappear when we least expect it.
This happened to me a week ago. It was when April spoke at the Sunday service about how events in her past had affected her and how she was working through them to find healing. It felt like someone was pressing on my chest making it hard to breathe. A couple of days later…it happened again. Like someone or something inside of me was pressing to get out. Finally, I stopped long enough and sat down trying to identify what would be causing this…urgency…this need to confront some long ago fears and pain. I thought of events in my past that I had buried so deep I thought they may not really be my life, but someone else’s. It was as if God knew that now is a time for me to face some of the things of my past and feel His healing touch on me.
I went to one of my favorite books of the Bible, Phillippians. Chapter 4 seems to say it all for me:
Phil 4: 6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and you minds in Christ Jesus.”
Phil. 4: 13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
I did, and am, praying for the strength of God and His grace to get me through this. I don’t know why these memories are coming back to me, or why now? I believe that God must think I am ready to open my heart and begin the healing process. I have to say that I am scared and uncertain about going deep into my heart. But I also feel the forgiving and healing power of God in my life. I am reading the book of John and see how great our God is that He can bring a dead man back to life and forgive a woman caught in adultery. Knowing that Jesus died for my sins is my refuge. I hope that in knowing Him and feeling His grace and mercy that it will help me to heal and to forgive myself.
Lord, I ask you to watch over anyone who is reading this and hope they can find strength in knowing that you are a God who loves us, even with our imperfections. Give us all the power of your grace and mercy, in Christ Jesus. Amen.
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